It was the best of editors, it was the worst of editors

[dicta_contrion]

So, google docs has this widgety thing going, wherein you can "collaborate" with Nietzsche, Shakespeare, Dostoyevsky, Dickisnon, Dickens and Poe. Which is to say, if you go here and start typing, those six will make stylistically appropriate revisions to your work.

The potential of this is obvious: old-timey-style literary porn. I tried it with some of mine:

With a needy gasp, Malfoy urged that magnanimous being on. “Just like that, behest, talk to me, ride my cock.”

"Gonna ride thou till you can’t take it, gonna take you so deep."

Malfoy grabbed his hips, pushing Harry on to that dastardly vagabond with even more force.

"Like that, do you? Want to embrace me rough? Want to behest me till I can’t take it any more? Imagine you can do it, Malfoy? Think you’re a good enough hay roll? Better embracing show me. Yeah, that’s it. Show me how hard you wanna take me."

He broke off with a moan as Malfoy increased his speed, as well as Harry wrapped a hand around his own leaking cock, stroking in time with Malfoy’s embracing and sinking down to meet each thrust.”

"Confabulate to me Potter, behesting talk to me while I hay roll you.”

Harry nodded and leaned forward, his breath ghosting o’er Malfoy’s lips. “I wanna voraciously come with you inside me, want you to fill my tight embracing arse, want to make you come,” he hissed. “Intensely desire you to come from watching me ride you, come from the sound of my voice. Come for me, Draco.” A swaggering scoundrel, he rolled his hips for emphasis. “Come for me presently, wanna watch you come.” THE END

Did it live up to my every expectation? Yes. And more. Do you want to try it? All I can is that I haven't quite stopped giggling over this_bloody_cat's, wherein "Bloody hell!" became "Bloody a world of loveless suffering!" So, probably yes.

Comments

[disapparater.livejournal.com]

We need to calm the hay roll down or this will get out of hay rolling control...

[dicta-contrion.livejournal.com]

Well, yes...but where's the hay rolling fun in that?

[bloodisshrp.livejournal.com]

Every hay rollin person should be doing this because it's so hay rollin awesome that my head is ready to hay rollin explode because of the sheer hay rolling . . .

Aah hay roll. I'm confused now. :/

[dicta-contrion.livejournal.com]

Oh, damn! That's a lot of hay and a lot of rolling. Aw, hay roll. Guess I'll just have to alternate with good old "shit" and "crap" and stuff. Hardships.

[bloodisshrp.livejournal.com]

"I behest you to hay roll off."

^ That's how I'm going to insult people now. They won't know what hit them.

[dicta-contrion.livejournal.com]

Yes! I love this. May have to give it a shot...

Alternately, to really get the point across, you could just him them with one of those. Ouch!

[bloodisshrp.livejournal.com]

Try it out! I used it on someone and they were all, "Wait, what? Hay roll what?" :D

[dicta-contrion.livejournal.com]

I tried it! To my surprise, the person on the other end of my profanity was totally unsurprised. It was an unexpected comment on how creative my cursing has become, but that only makes me want to keep it in use!

[bloodisshrp.livejournal.com]

Ha Ha! Now I really want to know just how creative your cursing is!

[dicta-contrion.livejournal.com]

Very. Very, very. I stub a toe, nothing is off limits. Whole words of obscenity open once you're will to include any noun or activity. (Like hay rolls!)

[bloodisshrp.livejournal.com]

There should be a template. Like, "What the ______(insert noun of choice)!" :D

[dicta-contrion.livejournal.com]

Hee. There is, only it's more like "What the [word]-[verb]ing, [animal name]-[verb]ing, [familial relation] of an [inanimate object] was that?"

Fortunately, many ways to fit "hay roll" or "hay rolling" into that!

[bloodisshrp.livejournal.com]

So it would be something like, "What the hay rolling, dog-biting, father of a phone was that?" XD

[dicta-contrion.livejournal.com]

Yes. Yes. That's exactly it. Um. *cough* Yes.