dicta_contrion: (Default)
dicta_contrion ([personal profile] dicta_contrion) wrote2014-06-03 03:44 pm
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It was the best of editors, it was the worst of editors

So, google docs has this widgety thing going, wherein you can "collaborate" with Nietzsche, Shakespeare, Dostoyevsky, Dickisnon, Dickens and Poe. Which is to say, if you go here and start typing, those six will make stylistically appropriate revisions to your work.

The potential of this is obvious: old-timey-style literary porn. I tried it with some of mine:

With a needy gasp, Malfoy urged that magnanimous being on. “Just like that, behest, talk to me, ride my cock.”

"Gonna ride thou till you can’t take it, gonna take you so deep."

Malfoy grabbed his hips, pushing Harry on to that dastardly vagabond with even more force.

"Like that, do you? Want to embrace me rough? Want to behest me till I can’t take it any more? Imagine you can do it, Malfoy? Think you’re a good enough hay roll? Better embracing show me. Yeah, that’s it. Show me how hard you wanna take me."

He broke off with a moan as Malfoy increased his speed, as well as Harry wrapped a hand around his own leaking cock, stroking in time with Malfoy’s embracing and sinking down to meet each thrust.”

"Confabulate to me Potter, behesting talk to me while I hay roll you.”

Harry nodded and leaned forward, his breath ghosting o’er Malfoy’s lips. “I wanna voraciously come with you inside me, want you to fill my tight embracing arse, want to make you come,” he hissed. “Intensely desire you to come from watching me ride you, come from the sound of my voice. Come for me, Draco.” A swaggering scoundrel, he rolled his hips for emphasis. “Come for me presently, wanna watch you come.” THE END


Did it live up to my every expectation? Yes. And more. Do you want to try it? All I can is that I haven't quite stopped giggling over [livejournal.com profile] this_bloody_cat's, wherein "Bloody hell!" became "Bloody a world of loveless suffering!" So, probably yes.

[identity profile] dicta-contrion.livejournal.com 2014-06-03 09:37 pm (UTC)(link)
Heh. Lucius Malfoy: putting the "dick" in Dickinsonian.

(Sounds like a good day!)

[identity profile] this-bloody-cat.livejournal.com 2014-06-03 11:20 pm (UTC)(link)
Ah, don't worry, I'll start writing this after my birthday because I'm having finals. On my birthday! Can you believe that? It should be outlawed xD So all my birthday gifts are going to be very belated, this year :( But at least they'll be, however belated, and THANK YOU!! ♥

[identity profile] dicta-contrion.livejournal.com 2014-06-04 12:35 am (UTC)(link)
Oh! That's extra doable then. Send it on over whenever you get there! Yay!! I'm excited!

And yes. I've had them on my birthday before and it sucks. Should totally be outlawed. Seconded. (Though not a bad excuse to drink during finals...if one was interested in that sort of thing. More than finals already inspires and interest.)

[identity profile] disapparater.livejournal.com 2014-06-04 09:32 am (UTC)(link)
Or "pass the cream." Heh. Heh. *is fourteen*

I actually snorted. A++

[identity profile] disapparater.livejournal.com 2014-06-04 09:34 am (UTC)(link)
"Confabulate to me Potter, behesting talk to me while I hay roll you.”

And and and: "...tight embracing arse"

*wipes away tears* Thank you for bring us the very, very best of the internet!

[identity profile] kjp-013.livejournal.com 2014-06-04 10:40 am (UTC)(link)
This is just brilliant. Behest. Bloody hell. (Sorry, bloody a world of loveless suffering). Behest. I'm using that word every day from now on...

[identity profile] bloodisshrp.livejournal.com 2014-06-04 03:08 pm (UTC)(link)
Think you’re a good enough hay roll?

hahahaha! :D

This is epic. I don't think I can ever say fuck again. It's only hay roll from now on.

What the hay roll?!

[identity profile] dicta-contrion.livejournal.com 2014-06-04 07:21 pm (UTC)(link)
A++ for semen punnery! (A+++ for ppl who laugh at the fourteen-year old humour.)

[identity profile] dicta-contrion.livejournal.com 2014-06-04 07:23 pm (UTC)(link)
Totally my goal in life. At least so long as "the very best of the internet" is anachronistic dirty puns and smutty fanfiction.

[identity profile] dicta-contrion.livejournal.com 2014-06-04 07:25 pm (UTC)(link)
Yes! Bring it back!! Imagine using it in the supermarket...would brighten up even the most world-of-loveless-suffering-ish day.

[identity profile] dicta-contrion.livejournal.com 2014-06-04 07:28 pm (UTC)(link)
"Where are my hay rolling keys?"
"Who the hay roll do you think you are?"
"Of, for hay roll's sake."

Yes. Yes. The new G-rated alternative, straight from NC-17 internet smut. Brilliant. Might be joining you in this!

[identity profile] disapparater.livejournal.com 2014-06-04 07:30 pm (UTC)(link)
Hay rolling hell, yes, i am hay rolling doing this!

[identity profile] dicta-contrion.livejournal.com 2014-06-04 07:33 pm (UTC)(link)
Hay roll yes!! This is going to be hay rolling awesome!

[identity profile] disapparater.livejournal.com 2014-06-04 08:13 pm (UTC)(link)
We need to calm the hay roll down or this will get out of hay rolling control...

[identity profile] dicta-contrion.livejournal.com 2014-06-04 08:22 pm (UTC)(link)
Well, yes...but where's the hay rolling fun in that?

[identity profile] bloodisshrp.livejournal.com 2014-06-04 08:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Go for it because this is hay rollin awesome! XD

[identity profile] bloodisshrp.livejournal.com 2014-06-04 08:52 pm (UTC)(link)
Every hay rollin person should be doing this because it's so hay rollin awesome that my head is ready to hay rollin explode because of the sheer hay rolling . . .

Aah hay roll. I'm confused now. :/

[identity profile] dicta-contrion.livejournal.com 2014-06-05 02:02 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, damn! That's a lot of hay and a lot of rolling. Aw, hay roll. Guess I'll just have to alternate with good old "shit" and "crap" and stuff. Hardships.

[identity profile] bloodisshrp.livejournal.com 2014-06-06 07:40 am (UTC)(link)
"I behest you to hay roll off."

^ That's how I'm going to insult people now. They won't know what hit them.

[identity profile] dicta-contrion.livejournal.com 2014-06-07 04:43 pm (UTC)(link)
Yes! I love this. May have to give it a shot...

Alternately, to really get the point across, you could just him them with one of those. Ouch!

[identity profile] bloodisshrp.livejournal.com 2014-06-08 03:31 pm (UTC)(link)
Try it out! I used it on someone and they were all, "Wait, what? Hay roll what?" :D

[identity profile] this-bloody-cat.livejournal.com 2014-06-10 06:52 pm (UTC)(link)
So, the thing is finished. And I've sent you a panicky email I'm somewhat ashamed of -- okay, very! Very ashamed! Awfully ashamed! I don't know, emails are hard, I hope it's at least polite or something, maybe -- and... and when you're available you can let me know if I should send the thing -- because I could totally send it to someone else, really. Because... of the reasons. In the email. *facepalm*

*hides*

[identity profile] dicta-contrion.livejournal.com 2014-06-10 08:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh! Oh! *hugs and wine and calming aromatherapy or acupuncture or whateverthehell to you* Emails are hard! But not to be worrying! I was offline all day and just got it. No shame! It was lovely and polite and thoughtful and you should send it to me and, yes, emailing you back presently!

[identity profile] dicta-contrion.livejournal.com 2014-06-10 08:48 pm (UTC)(link)
I tried it! To my surprise, the person on the other end of my profanity was totally unsurprised. It was an unexpected comment on how creative my cursing has become, but that only makes me want to keep it in use!

[identity profile] this-bloody-cat.livejournal.com 2014-06-10 10:09 pm (UTC)(link)
Haha! Whatever the hell sounds nice, you sound nice ♥ Sorry for the panicky ambush! It's a thing I do xD

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